Susan Narjala
Keeping it Real
Let God do the Deep Cleaning
Sweat drips down my forehead. My glasses slide down my nose. Splotch. A bead of sweat is now on my glasses. Uugh. This is so not fun.
I wipe my face on my really-should-be-trashed t-shirt and go back to sweeping the floor.
I have been at this 43 minutes already. Forty-three minutes of cleaning every nook and cranny, the behind-the-door spaces, the concealed crevices of yuck. Gathering the dust and fuzz, strands of hair and pencil shavings in my dust pan, I chuck it all into the trash can. This quarantine has me cleaning like never before.
But even while I sweep, I notice something far uglier than dust bunnies – and it’s growing within me. This cobweb of unpleasant emotions is more challenging to tidy up.
These chores are the worst. I really should be writing and reading or taking some online classes.
Frustration mounts.
How can the kids dump pencil shaving near the trash can and not in the trash can? They just don’t care.
Anger simmers.
Really, he’s still in a meeting? And I get to do all these thankless chores myself? Yay me!
Self-pity mocks.
Just look at how much I’ve got done – dinner, the laundry, the sweeping, the garden, the kids – I handled all of that myself.
Self-importance swells.
My emotions start spiraling, creating ugly patterns like the sweat stains on my t-shirt. There’s going to be an explosion soon, I can tell.
That evening, Mount St. Mama does explode. It’s not a pretty sight.
The overstuffed linen closet is the site of my downfall. As I bend down to pick up an errant pillowcase, my head hits the counter next to it. Thwack!
The next thing I know, I’ve dissolved into a puddle of tears. More than my throbbing head, I nurse the peculiar idea that I don’t matter, that the endless, thankless tasks don’t matter, that no one cares. Of course, I don’t bother to take into account that one child went to grab ice and the other to call dada who appeared within minutes to check the growing goose egg on my forehead.
Hot self-pitying, angry tears rush down my face. It feels horrendously absurd. Which self-respecting 40-something-year-old mom cries in front of her kids when she hits her head on a counter? Umm.. this one.
The events of that day are an accurate picture of how much of my quarantine has been going. I feel like an utterly unfocused failure on some days. On other days, I feel like an overworked and underpaid unpaid underling who hasn’t had a chance shower (or breathe) because there’s always one more thing to do.
I’ve heard from friends who’ve learned new skills and read stacks of books and lost a ton of weight and have created these awesome goals that they are crushing one by one. Good for them. Honestly. No sarcasm here. I’m happy for them.
But that has not been my reality. Not by a long shot.
Today, if you feel like a dishrag tossed about in your washing machine’s spin cycle or like one hanging forlornly on the clothesline, you’re not alone. The rest of us are just not posting on social media.
But, I also want to encourage you – because it doesn’t have to stay that way.
No, I’m not going to add another self-care tip to that ever-growing list. I’ve heard them all and they’re wonderful and undeniably necessary during this time of emotional upheaval. We absolutely need to go on walks and eat healthy and stay connected and call our friends and challenge ourselves by learning and growing.
But a few days ago I woke up with a prayer on my lips that has breathed a gentle, sweet joy into my days – “Father God, I’m done making it about myself. I don’t want the self-pity and I don’t want the pride. I just want to glorify You.”
Dear friend, that simple shift in focus changed everything.
I let Him do the deep-cleaning – scrubbing the self-absorption, discarding the anger, wiping away the frustration, dumping out the superiority. As I surrender, He transforms. As I lift up His name, He lifts my eyes above my cares and fears.
Nope, the chores don’t magically disappear. But as I hack away at them one by one, He fills my heart with a gentle joy and the cobweb of negative emotions loosen their grip.
I count each day as a beautiful gift. I define each day by my gratitude. I live each day delighting in Who He is.
Even as you may be struggling with extreme tiredness or unproductivity or, perhaps, frustration and anger during this season, I pray these words from Romans 15:13 over you, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
MEET SUSAN
Comments
24 Comments
Joy Mason
By being so ‘real’ God has really used you to speak to me. Knowing I’m never going to do things in my own strength but giving all the things that worry, frustrate and bring me down to Him. He is the one that brings hope and I want that real relationship with him.
Susan Narjala
Thank you, Joy. You’re absolutely right – in depending on God we fight our strength. Many blessings, Susan
Rachna
Beautiful Susan, you write so well – it spoke to my heart and came at just the right time. Thank you for your gentle pearls of wisdom!
Susan Narjala
Thank you, Rachna! So glad God brought you the encouragement at the right time.
Cheryl
Wow Susan, you are so down -to- Earth, and the verse at the end a sure reminder that spurs me on …..thanks ever so much.
Susan Narjala
Thank you, Cheryl! And, yes, I love that verse too.
Meg I.
Oooh, I love this. We will not see victory in the “small areas” if we don’t allow Him, even into these areas. For me, it is the small, every day things that reveal my sinful heart the most. Thank you, Susan,
Susan Narjala
I totally know what you mean about the small areas, Meg. Thank you for stopping by and commenting 🙂 – Susan
Dawn W
Thank you, my friend. You always help me see God’s perspective in the midst of life.
Susan Narjala
Hi Dawn! So great to hear from you. Thank you for following my writing all these years 🙂
Sara Xavier
This is just awesome…. and the reality…. I hear you….
I feel that we need to make that extra effort everytime… but with his help…and guidance from the Holy spirit it is possible… thank you for the reminder…. 🤗
Susan Narjala
It’s a reminder I need often too, Sara 🙂 All things – including doing chores and being nice to our kids – are possible with Him 🙂 – Susan
Ada
Thanks for this Susan. It’s true the right mindset changes everything. I’m inspired❤
Susan Narjala
Yes, praise does change our perspective, doesn’t it? Thank you for stopping by! – Susan
beckyleepearson
Blessed and encouraged. Thanks Susan!
Susan Narjala
Thank you Becky! And THANK YOU for “keeping it real” too 🙂
Phebey Sangiah
Oh, I can so relate! Thank you for these nuggets of wisdom. Will be committing Romans 15:13 to memory. Love you!
Susan Narjala
Miss you, Phebes. And, I need to commit that verse to memory too.
Laura Bertram
Beautiful…thank you! Your blog always reminds me of what really matters. I hope your head feels better!
Susan Narjala
Thank you, Laura 🙂 (And, yes, my head feels much better :))
Ari Duskin
Thank you Susan for this encouraging message! Your writing inspires me so much.
Susan Narjala
Thank you, Ari! We all need some encouragement every now and then 🙂
Shikha
So wonderfully written. Its been an encouragement for me and thanks for keeping it so real.. Lets lean in & trust that His pace is perfect for our life !
Susan Narjala
Thanks, Shika! Love that phrase – “His pace is perfect” 🙂