It’s a word that’s been recently added to my lexicon: phubbing.

You may not have heard the word before but, chances are, you’ve been phubbing for years.

What in the world am I talking about?

Phubbing is snubbing someone by favouring your phone over them.

Essentially, phone + snubbing = phubbing.

You know exactly what I’m talking about.

You become acutely aware of phubbing when you’re the one being phubbed.

Think about when you were pouring your heart out to a friend and you suddenly noticed that she was super distracted and had one eye on her phone. She even started texting someone right in the middle of your heart-wrenching story of running into your ex at the mall (or whatever your story was that day).

Yup, you’d just been phubbed.

You don’t want to say anything to her. Because that would be so needy.

And also because deep inside you know that you’re constantly phubbing others too.

Personally, I’ve noticed that I phub people I’m closest to.

My kids know that they have to repeat every question because I’m so immersed in my device that I just can’t hear them through the digital fog.

Our conversations usually go like this:

“Mama, can I have some candy?”

“Mm?.. what?.. Yeah” (I’m watching Ellen interview a super funny kid on YouTube)

“Yes? Is that a yes? Can I?”

“Mmm… what?” (Kid is saying something. Both my kid and the YouTube kid)

“Can I have candy?” (Volume of request is now ‘high’)

“No. Of course not. You can’t eat candy just before dinner.” (Just in the nick of time. One more distracted ‘hmm’ would have resulted in rapid consumption of said candy.)

We’re all digitally distracted. We’re waiting for the next dopamine hit from the beep or buzz on our phones.

Phubbing has become so ubiquitous that it’s expected.

We give each other the license: You check your phone and I’ll check mine, even though we’re supposed to be hanging out with each other.

Maybe, phubbing seems sort of harmless. Especially when we’re phubbing each other at the exact same time.

But what is it really doing to us?

We’re pretty much saying to the other person that our phones are more important to us than they are. Ouch.

We’re building walls around ourselves and holding up “Do not disturb” signs when we’re on our phones. We’re covering up our vulnerability and lowering the chances for real relationships to thrive.

Being addicted to our phones is one thing. Being addicted to our phones when there are people around is taking it to the next level.

We’re forgetting how to listen.

We’re forgetting how to fully engage in meaningful conversations.

We’re even forgetting the fine art of conflict resolution (The real kind … not where we hide behind screens)  

We’d rather retreat into a digital make-believe world which is controlled and sanitized, than deal with messy people with problems that take more time and effort than a sad face emoji.

Sure, I may be being a tad dramatic and apocalyptic.

But I may not.

I also know better than to preach when, admittedly, this is still a struggle for me.

You and I both know when we become device dependent. You and I both know when it’s time to give our phones a break.

You and I both know when to create boundaries and live more fully.

(Getting off soapbox now. )

 

Image source: Unsplash – Kevin Greive